Cancer.
Ok now that we are all thinking about the same thing I can move on to other things.
This is after all, the first thought before any other. Then all the frivolous stuff files in
like a "normal" person's brain.
Are his tumor markers up or down - Do we have milk?
What kind of Christmas do I plan for- Oh I love those tea cups.
Mouse droppings-is that something I will have to learn to handle on my own? -Mice sure are cute and they live in family groups, I can't remove the bread stealer.
Cry.
Blech!
But that is how it goes.
It's the middle of November! @#$%$#@.
This is my oh dear how did I let the year go by again moment.
As well as my Oh S#$%! Christmas is two days away moment. Well that's what it feels like.
At least there is November.
We slow down so much here in Nov. There is no TV to distract us. We stop everything and have tea and cookies each afternoon. There is a break in the kids activties and we begin to close down the outside and open up the comfy places inside our home.
In November, we take a moment together in the evenings to mark down what we are thankful for. Below is our Thankful tree.
Every year we save the leaves and someday when my children are grown they will be able to look back on the things that made us grateful.
It is astonishingly simple to be thankful. It can be as simple as my husband being thankful for warm feet (chemo has left him freezing cold all the time- see there is that damn cancer again). Or truly wonderful things like green lantern pencils
(it's just a green pencil but I'm not telling him that)
If I could I would write everyday about how thankful I am to be in that spot right then. With everyone focused on thinking about what speaks to our hearts.
But the point is more to look around your world and remember the things, people, habits, normalness that make happiness. To recognize that is the mundane things that make our soul sing.
Ryland is thankful for gymnastics as well as tea,
Coulson for legos and his radio,
Harper for horseback riding and trips to Ikea (we didn't buy her anything there) ,
Simon for his Mom and Dad being home and pasta.
They are profound only in their simplicity.
December comes in and there nothing but flurry and craziness everywhere. We try to do everything and take gifts to everyone. I get punchy because the kids seem to be everywhere the gifts are. It's crazy. ever year I promise to slow down and reflect and make it a more meaningful season. Every year I'm strung out but still happy by Christmas Eve and then on the 26th I pronounce the whole thing,
OVER!
Maybe this year it will be different.
Different because in the back of mind I am left wondering if this will be his last one.
Or if it will be our last one living this elephant, cancer.
So quiet in our lives and yet so large.
Posted in: on Thursday, November 17, 2011 at at 12:30 PM
