Day with Mud

Christmas is in full swing here.

Out on quick and very necessary run to the store for milk yesterday, I made the split decision to race over to our favorite thrift store to find a replacement hot chocolate mug for Simon. We were gearing up for a peppermint ice cream, popcorn, hot chocolate, movie afternoon and while the milk and candy canes I was racing out to get before pick up time with only 30 min to run into and out of Costco were critical it seemed as though perhaps the mug was more important. I'm sure you understand.

The store was obviously sending me signals.

I got these wonderful paper ornaments

Nine of them!

They are much more amazing in person.

These deer that will hopefully be painted and glittered later today!

I've always wanted one of these it really does keep your coffee/tea hot.

This is a treat from my childhood

I think I can do this elf on the shelf.

He'll need new paint though

I don't know why I like a teeny garden gnome

I just do.

So no I didn't make to the store until after pick up which meant that it took twice as long and I forget half the things.

But I did have a lovely diversion which ended with a

sweet new Christmas mug for my youngest

and a bowl full of cheer for me.

There is something wonderful about fall.

There are books to read outdoors

On blankets

In trees

While Mud knits another sock attempt.

ummm yeah I'm not sharing that.

I bet what I had for dinner beats what you had for dinner

Cancer.

Ok now that we are all thinking about the same thing I can move on to other things.

This is after all, the first thought before any other. Then all the frivolous stuff files in

like a "normal" person's brain.

Are his tumor markers up or down - Do we have milk?

What kind of Christmas do I plan for- Oh I love those tea cups.

Mouse droppings-is that something I will have to learn to handle on my own? -Mice sure are cute and they live in family groups, I can't remove the bread stealer.

Cry.

Blech!

But that is how it goes.

It's the middle of November! @#$%$#@.

This is my oh dear how did I let the year go by again moment.

As well as my Oh S#$%! Christmas is two days away moment. Well that's what it feels like.

At least there is November.

We slow down so much here in Nov. There is no TV to distract us. We stop everything and have tea and cookies each afternoon. There is a break in the kids activties and we begin to close down the outside and open up the comfy places inside our home.

In November, we take a moment together in the evenings to mark down what we are thankful for. Below is our Thankful tree.

Every year we save the leaves and someday when my children are grown they will be able to look back on the things that made us grateful.

I guess you could say it's been a LONG year. It's not even over yet. I've known for sometime that I was walking on an emotional tight rope. Repeating to myself daily, not today, this is not the day to let it go. There have been moments, tears in the eyes, lump in the throat. But they have always been swallowed up. We count our blessings everyday in the ways that we are fortunate. We have after all been lucky enough to create the life we want. After two months in a high stress medical environment, away from our children, I came home to a house full of love. The love of our children is obvious in their constant demands, deep snuggles and willingness to pick up their battles with us right where we left off. The family that came and went taking care of our life while gone left their marks too. A costume made, a blower taped together, a chore completed. We came home and life resumed it's normal speed. We had carpool and homework, lessons, dinners. We began the traditions that we do at this time of year. Our thankful tree is full of leaves that speak to the things that bring us joy. Tea is served with cookies everyday. Our TV if off our fireplace is lit. We sit quietly as a family in front of it each night reading aloud. This is where I have broken. This quiet moment where we are as still as we get. The story is simple and rich. It is about love. Losing it, finding it, great loss and great recovery. For the last couple of nights, I sat by that fire with my children and husband and it has come. I have cried every night. Not the big screaming tears I felt in April. Not the frustrated tears that came every so often. Not even the are you kidding me oh hell tears from August. These are quiet letting go tears. Letting go in little pieces. Putting the past six months onto the pages of this book. My children think (because I tell them so) that I am crying because I am tired. That is not entirely untrue. I am tired. So tired.

We are trying to change the way we eat around here.

You know stop eating only black beans and pasta with the occasional lentil thrown in

"for variety".

It's almost impossible to make six people happy at dinner.

Remember your last night out at a restaurant with friends?

It's slightly ridiculous to think that everyone in a house would "want "

to eat the same thing as everyone else every night.

So we have begun to allow a few compromises.

You don't think you can ever eat another black bean burrito

fine have an apple with peanut butter.

You don't like beef in any form other than a patty

fine have a carrot and cold pasta.

I'm not going to stoop to diner style.

But I will bring some flexibility into the family dinner.

This is what it looked like last night.

Ours was a spicy talapia with jerk seasoning and spicy sweet potato fries.

They had fish sticks served with homemade ketchup

(I don't normally do that we just happened to be out and I was able to whip some up from the recipe on the back of the empty bottle which was conveniently in the fridge)

and plain sweet potato fries

It's not a perfect system.

But as I don't think I can ever eat another ravioli

and since they LOVE them,

it's only fair to me to mix it up and still sit together for dinner.

Just so you know, if you make these

Then you have four eggs whites leftover

Which means,

you can whip up these

Which means you can have a two cookie tea!!

It's amazing how starting dinner at noon frees up your whole day.

We have taken to having tea and cookies every afternoon.

This requires a certain amount of fore thought

What kind of cookies?

Are yesterday's tea pots clean?

Do we have a clean place to sit and enjoy this respite?

So everyday we have found the power to not gobble up the whole batch of cookies

and to rinse our pots.

It's heavenly!

Today, Harper decided it was her moment to shine.

She choose the cookies from our treasure trove of books

devoted solely to cookie making.

Yes, I have more than a few.